I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
