Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
