I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
