a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I would ride that face into the sunset
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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