When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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