Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
