think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
