This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
