the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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