I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
