Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
