Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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