You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
