I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
