Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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