dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
