What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
