ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
