I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
