so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
