so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
