i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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