woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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