Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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