everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
