had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
