i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
