You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
