if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
