I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Watching her eat just hurts me
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
