im about as happy as oj after his trial
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
