i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
When are your genitals available?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
