singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
