Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
