She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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