They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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