I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
there was a trapeze. enough said
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
