take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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