I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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