Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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