Im at strip club and am horny
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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