I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
