Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
