I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
