I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
