***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My hand turned me down
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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