Where are you?
In a non slutty way
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
