Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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