You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
