I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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